A new year, but the same old issues

well, it is now three days into 2010. but nothing has really changed, you know. i still have to finish up my degree, and i keep getting sick, which is not normal for me at all. so off to the doctor i will be going soon. i still need to decide if i am going to get a masters degree, or if i am going to go to work, or the busiest choice: do both. and i definately need to go on a diet. i was hoping that 2010 would take me away from here, and to a new place, but my mother is sick, how sick we know not yet, but possibly sick enough to need a transplant in the next year or so. so going from here no longer seems to be an option.

there is always so much to do, and always so much to say to people. i am glad that 2009 is over. we lost many good friends and family last year, and most of them were losses that hit very very close to home. we also lost a lot of not so close friends and associates, and they will alos be missed, just not as painfully i guess.

many people tell me that i am a bit of a cold person, or that i don't handle death the way it was meant to be handeled. i take offense to that. i have had alot of death in my life, and have learned that getting hystirical over it doesn't change anything, so why do it. i grieve in my own way, and it works for me, so i wish that people would lay off. when it is someone that isn't on my important list, for lack of a better word, then it doesn't affect me much, and sadly, and not so sadly, there are not very many people on my important list. this year i lost about a fifth of that list, so it has gotten smaller, which it didn't really need to be, there were only between 20 and 25 people on the list to begin with. but it is the way i live my life, and once you make that list, then you are stuck with me for life, i am one of the most caring people you will ever meet. which is why it is a very short list, there is not enough of me to go around, not enough of me to share with so many people, so i learned long ago to make sure that i kept that list manageable.

anyways, i seem to be going to a deep dark place, and i don't really want to go to that place at the moment, i havn't had a depression for over a year, i don't choose to have one now. so i am off, and if anyone knows a good diet, one that really works, then comment or message me with please. i need some ideas, i hate dieting, but am determined to lose as much wieght this year as is healthy, or maybe a little bit more than that if i am lucky.

peace