Friends

Ok, so you know how you had friends and then you realize that maybe you don't, does that make sense at all.  My 10 year High School reunion is coming up in a few months, and it has made me look back, normal I know, but in a lot of ways I am not happy with what it is that I am seeing.  Example, when I got married I invited a friend from high school and work, but when she got married I was not invited.  A whole group of my friends are going on vacation together, which I would not have been able to go to, but it would have been nice to be invited you know.  In high school I was not always the best person to be friends with, I was all over the place, I was watching my dad die before my eyes and learning how to cope with the fact that he would never remember who I was.  Not an easy thing to go thru at any age, but especially hard in the middle of puberty.  I have lost friends, a few have died, and I have gained new ones, but I had a core group of people who I thought would always accept me for who I am, and I am realizing that many of those people are not the people I thought they were.  Last year I apologized for not being a good friend in high school, not something I had to do, but something I wanted to do.  We all tearfully, on my part at least promised to get together, but of course we never have.  and now everyone is getting together, just the crowd, for this upcoming reunion, shocking to me that i was invited to be honest, but hey, most of these people see each other every few weeks anyways, so i do not see what the big deal is, for them, there are a few who live out of state, but the others get together reguarly, i don't know, i did not expect this to hurt so much, to be the outsider with people i have known in some cases 25+ years.  I guess we will see, i may not want to go afterall, and i would probably be making them happy if i didn't.