What's up...

So it has been quite a while since I posted here, almost a year, and it has been a busy year...

I have been depressed most of the last year, it comes and goes, and I wish it would stay away, but it is what it is I guess.  The boys are both heading to school in August, which is awesome and sad at the same time.  It does mean though that now get to do stuff for me, whether that is school again or a job I do not know, I have been looking at both and nothing really appeals to me.  I do not want to work a job I hate because I do not have to, so I am choosing to be picky and wait for something that really grabs my interest, the only issue is that I am not yet sure what that is going to be. This far the only job that really sounds like something I would enjoy is in LA, and I do not want to be away from my family. So it is out, I am really afraid that I am not going to be able to find something here, and that I will be stuck doing nothing, well, I volunteer, a lot, but I just feel like something is missing, I wish I could figure out what that something is...

So I got to head to San Francisco this year in January for my anniversary and it was amazing, I fell in love with the city, the atmosphere and the people, it was fantastic, plus it is right on the ocean, which is have just connected to, I feel so whole when I am there, and so empty when I am away, and since I live in the middle of a freakin desert, empty is something I am sadly getting used to.  I never expected to connect to the sea in such a way, yet I have and it is sometimes painfully unbearable to be away from it...

August is taking me to Maine for my moms high school graduation and to see the part of the family that I have not seen in 20+ years for most of them.  I am both excited, the ocean, squeee!!!  And also nervous, I am very me, I do not bend well, not for anyone, nor to I have any intention of doing so, so I worry that there will be a lot of clashing going on, but I do not want to upset my mom, so I suspect that it is going to be a pretty quiet trip for me, I will try very hard to keep my thoughts to myself, and honestly if they do not like me, which I suspect most won't, that is their issue and not mine...

Well I think that is it for now, I will try to write more often, I know I say that a lot, but maybe this time I will manage it! =0)