Friends

Ok, so you know how you had friends and then you realize that maybe you don't, does that make sense at all.  My 10 year High School reunion is coming up in a few months, and it has made me look back, normal I know, but in a lot of ways I am not happy with what it is that I am seeing.  Example, when I got married I invited a friend from high school and work, but when she got married I was not invited.  A whole group of my friends are going on vacation together, which I would not have been able to go to, but it would have been nice to be invited you know.  In high school I was not always the best person to be friends with, I was all over the place, I was watching my dad die before my eyes and learning how to cope with the fact that he would never remember who I was.  Not an easy thing to go thru at any age, but especially hard in the middle of puberty.  I have lost friends, a few have died, and I have gained new ones, but I had a core group of people who I thought would always accept me for who I am, and I am realizing that many of those people are not the people I thought they were.  Last year I apologized for not being a good friend in high school, not something I had to do, but something I wanted to do.  We all tearfully, on my part at least promised to get together, but of course we never have.  and now everyone is getting together, just the crowd, for this upcoming reunion, shocking to me that i was invited to be honest, but hey, most of these people see each other every few weeks anyways, so i do not see what the big deal is, for them, there are a few who live out of state, but the others get together reguarly, i don't know, i did not expect this to hurt so much, to be the outsider with people i have known in some cases 25+ years.  I guess we will see, i may not want to go afterall, and i would probably be making them happy if i didn't.

Family Reading Night Sucks!!!

Hello All,

So, in an attempt to get my oldest son more into reading, which at this point is something he considers almost a punishment, we have instated a Wednesday night family reading night.  Everyone who is in the house comes out and reads together in the living room for 2 - 2 1/2 hours.  This is not a big deal for the family, we would all most likely be reading in our separate rooms during this time anyways.  Both my mother and myself read on average of one book a day, we do this around cooking, cleaning and dealing with the kids.  Reading is part of who we are.  It is a real drag though, my son does nothing but fidget and whine the whole night away, and by the end of the night we are all wound tighter than spool of thread, it is quite annoying.  So if anyone has any ideas as to what we can do to make this more pleasurable for all concerned I would greatly appreciate hearing from you.  Reading is such an integral part of life and we desperately need some way to get my son t enjoy it and want to do it.  So thank you all in advance.

Now onto a completely different  but no less of a downer subject.  I am heading for bankruptcy, this is not something that I want to do, and my husband and I have put it off for far longer than we probably should have.  We are at a point now where it looks like it is going to be the only way out of our not good financial situation, so I also ask that if anyone has advice for us in this area please, please share.  Or if you really want to help, a gift of 25,000 to 50,000 USD would also be most welcome.  We are not 50,000 USD into the whole, but we are close, sad but true, over half of that is my student loans, which I definitely consider worth it, however since I have been unable to find a job, with or without bachelors degree I am starting to resent what was supposed to be a good investment into my future. 

Ok, I guess that is really about all that I have to say on these matters, and any others for that matter.  The kids and the husband and the parental figures are all doing great, as is my extended family and friends.  Money issues just about the whole way around, but other than that we seem to be doing great these almost three weeks into 2011, I hope all of you can say the same.  Laters all, you have my love.

Happy New Years!!

Hello everyone, it has been awhile has it not?  Alot has happened in the last 6+ weeks.  I am officially a college graduate, I now have a Bachelor's from UofA in History.  My instructor was supposed to be there, but he missed it, the ceremony I mean, but that is ok, he was busy I am sure. 

I am watching this years HGTV Dream Home, very pretty it is.  But I liked last years better.  Santa Fe/Albuquerque would have been a wonderful place to live. 

We have been asked to go to court about the money we still owe on the van that had been repoed like 4 years ago.  I do not know what they want from us, we have nothing.  But I guess we will have to wait and see.

Michael still loves his job, which is great, especially since him and school still do not get along, at all.

Well, as it is New Years it is time for some resolutions, I have only two, get rid of the unnecessary bills, going to court is step one of this one, no matter what at the end of the process that should be one large bill taken care of.  And second to lose some weight, I was doing really well before Ray, down to a 16, now I am back up, right around a 24 and that is completely unexceptional, so since I do not have school, and am trying to find a job I am going to be working out and watching what I eat much better, no more needing to eat on the go.

What are your resolutions?  I am curious.

I have not really started reading any new authors, I have just read more of the same ones, different series or stories.  As always anything you want to recommend will be most welcome. 

OK, I guess that is about it, I have been super busy, but not in a interesting sharing type way.  It will probably be a while for my next post, the computer has to go and get fixed so there will not be so much online time, I will have to learn to share better.

<3<3<3 you all

writing

I made a mistake, last night, late, i was ready, i could see my papers in my mind, and i could have written most of them with little to no difficulty, but i was tired, exhausted even.  it had been a really long day both physically and emotionally, so i did not write, instead i went to bed where i stared at the ceiling for hours, it had to have been hours because today i am beat, tired, i feel as though i was hit by a truck, the last few days have caught up, Shawn's death, the fact that he is gone for good, and that all that he was is lost, the fact that my husband is back on nights, and i just sleep lousy without him, as well as the fact that i have been sleeping in the babies room on the guest futon, all of it have run me down today, and all of that sureness, that knowing that i could write my papers and be done with it, and rock them, it is gone too.  now i can see that i am going to be pushing my way against the tide to get them done.  having a night of inspiration like i did last night, that is a gift, they do not come often for me, and i tossed it out the window sure that i could grab it back today.  well, i can't, it is gone, possibly for good, most likely for this semester at least.  i am dreading the paper that i was most looking forward to, i know i can write good papers, but the only time i can write great papers, wondrous papers are times like last night, i should have used it to write, if nothing else to get started on my ranching paper, i know what i want to do with it, i know how it should go, i just need that magic to get it from my head to the page.  and bless m i threw that magic away, damn

Strangeness

Hello World, let me first get off of my chest that I am in an exceptionally strange mood tomight.  I have spent far to much time in my own head, and any one who know me really well know that that is so not a thing i should be doing, especially when i have to spend so much time around all of you normal humans.  i am waiting to restart my hotel on facebook, as well as for my ipod to finish syncing something like 3000 songs.  and i have not slept well in a few weeks really.  i am listening to blink 182, and have a tendancy to completely lose my train of thought because i keep wandering around with some weird hybrid of Alexander Skarsgard and Michael in my fantasies.  Just wow.  i mean wow.  even more wow is this movie i am hoping to watch where he dresses as a girl.  i am really enjoying the facebook quizzes lately, they are addictive in that whole bored and inner questioning thing.  i keep reading about people arguing over our class reunion, which is funny, but i have found other people i knew back then because of it so that is cool.  oh did i mention the fantasies, they are nice, lots of pretty men and me, back when i liked me, well i do like me mentally but i am so talking physically at the moment.  once upon a time and in a galaxy far far away i used to be thin, people used to think i was cute, now i have no idea what they think, but if it is anything close to what i think then i so do not want to know what it is because i doubt anyone can think worse of me than i do, once again i mean physically not mentally.  oh, there is this creepy touchy feely boy in my cubpack, i have no idea what to do wioth him, but he will not leave my hair alone, i hate people touching my hair. 


wow, my mind just went blank, which is probably good, i think it overloaded.  8 more minutes for the hotel, i have no idea how many for the syncing of the ipod, that could take ages it had to update and stuff too.  oh anyone want to know one of the first times i lost faith in god, i got it back after this, though as we all know that didn't exactly last to long...anyways when i was younger as in like 2nd grade era, i used to pray to wake up with black hair and pale skin and violet eyes.  i was always a weird child, and i so did not get the whole praying thing at the time as you can tell, but after over a year of waking up and running to the mirror to find lil blond me, i figured that god was a joke.  then with what happened to my dad and me and my sis, well, i have no idea, but we all know where i stand on that so i guess i should stop while i am ahead,  am i ahead or behind, *shrugs* who knows, i don't.

so if i could figure out a way to focus all of ym awesome randomness somehwere preferrabley into coherent thougths i think i would be rich, i could write a story ot 300 and i could do movies, but i can never get what is in my head down onto paper.  that is such a hard thing to do, i do not know if i will ever be able to do it in such a way that it makes sense to anyone other than me.  soemtimes i have a hard time doing that for one of my poapers. and those should be easy, they just sorta fall otu of me.  i wish everything was so easy.  i mean not mnay people i know can write a a paper for a 400 level class in three hours.  i wish i could always do that.  while we are wisheing i wish to be thin and pretty....one day if i really work at it, yeah right like that is going to happen. 

hell i can not spell tonight, that must be because i am so tired, i Alao seem to be having issues with the whole editing thng rather than the whole not writing/typing everything that i think..FUCK>>>It is time for bed, stupid hotel still has a few more minutes, damn it, damn it, damn it.  oh i know, did i share that mommy saus i will have to leave if i say fuck around her agin, it would seem that 3 times in 3 years is three time to many. i think that is funny seeing how she worls at bars where it is always said, anyways.  i try not to say it, but sometimes it just pops out, at 27 you would think i could curse withpout my mom getting upset, but no.  the odd thing is that i could put a curse on someone and she would probably be good with that.  oh well.  hotel should be done by now and when i wake up- if i sleep my movie should be ready for my consumption. i love wierd movies with crossdressers and man love.  it will be a good day tomowrrow,  other than the whole having to wrote papers thing, but yeah that will hopefully flow as well as this has, in under 15 minutes i oresent you will this...i do not know what it is, only that it came from my head withh a lil help from spell check

i love you all, i have no idea why but i do, and i should just stop typing because if i don;t then i will never be done with this, have you ever realized how one thought can lead to another and that they have absolutely nothing in common, yet in my head they do.  nice. 

i lied, there will be no spellcheck, it is way to much of a hassle for my current mindstate.  ok i am really leaving you this time, i need to go find my vampires and have them convert me now. 

Grand Canyon

Ok, so as I am sure we have established I am really bad at the whole blogging thing, I just don't think about it very often.  Anyways, onto the whole trip thing.

We went to the Grand Canyon.  It was amazing, you could stare at it for hours and still find something different and new.  It is huge, it was more than what I thought it would be, and I only saw a very small portion of it.  We stopped at a Native American museum and saw some ruins of Kivas etc.

And then we went to the Desert Vista Viewtower.  It was an stunning view from the top.  And a nice women took a family picture of all of us at the edge. 

on the way back from the Grand Canyon we stopped at Bedrock in Valle, it was great, I think I took more pictures of it than I did of the canyon.  The boys absolutely adored being able to run around, and Michael especially liked to get his picture taken with Fred and Barney.  It is a bit of a cheap park, it had obviously been there awhile, but at only five dollars a person to get in, it was well worth the money, we spent a couple of hours there.

We stayed in Williams, right on Route 66, so that was pretty awesome as well, at least it was for a history buff like me.  Michael was not nearly as impressed, but then again he very seldom is.  his favorite part was watching the helicopters at the Grand Canyon Airport, which I have to admit I also enjoyed.

We also got to see all of the tornado damage caused last week at Bellemont.  That was something I do not think we will ever see again, not in this state, it was just such a surreal experience.  It's Arizona, not Kansas, so seeing the train knocked over onto it's side was definitely weird. 

And since you cannot go to northern AZ without passing through Flagstaff, we stopped there for a few hours, went to Barnes and Nobles, and up the snowbowl where the views were nice, but not nearly as awesome as the ones from the rim.

Also we got to go to this cool drive through zoo, Bearizona, it was new, so it was not finished, but I predict that in the next few years when they are done with all of thier stuff they will be a great zoo.

On the way home we stopped and stayed the night with Kary, it was nice, I miss her. 

Hello!!!

So, it has been awhile has it not.  I do not even know where to begin.  we had a really nice end to the summer, my sis Beth returned from her trip to the south, a little more wear and tear on her, but she needed it because now she is back to being her old self rather than the idk what she was she has been for the last year.  it is nice to have her back with us though, it was definately a lonely summer without her. 

since she came home we decided to take a trip up to Payson to visit with the cousins who live up there.  And also to go to the Tonto Natural Bridge.  Both were great, we really got to know Sara, Danny and the girls better than we had before, and we had a really nice pleasant time.  You need to check on the pics on facebook, I should be getting them up in the next few hours.

we also stopped bt the Phoenix museum for the youth, it was our second trip, this one was anime, the last one was music, any of you who know us well, know we LOVE anime, but the museum was so crowded this time, that we found it very unpleasant, the first time we went was fun and we really enjoyed it, this time not so much.  what we learned, do NOT go in the first sunday of the month because while you get free admission, you also get like a million and one people. 

I finally got around to watching Eclipse, it was ok, not really any better or worse than any of the other Twilight movies, the books are better, the movies ruin the books, but hey that is only my opinion.  another set of shows that ruin the books they are based on is trueblood.  Loved the books, the show is just way, and I mean way out there. 


The baby turned 1 in July, we had a really really wonderful party, special thanks to Jessie and Jon, and to T and Scott, you guys are all family, and we love you.

Ok, I guess it tis time for me to go, I want to get a paper done today, and I have a lot of housework still to go.  Laters all