Day 23

A letter to someone, anyone.

Dear R,

First off let me say I am sorry, I miss you and I love you, just not in the same way. I didn’t know, that is no excuse for the pain I caused, but I truly did not understand. Even years later it didn’t click until we saw you that day at Walmart, you were working and as luck would have it, you were the person assigned to help us. When you turned, it was just for an instant, but I saw your face crumble, I saw the pain and after that I understood the hate. There is such a fine line between love and hate, and I truly regret pushing you over it.

After that day I vowed I would not try to get in touch, you have a wife, children, and you seemed happy, and I did not want to cause trouble, nor did I want her to hate me how some of your past girls friends did. As I said, I hadn’t understood.

Living in a small city, sometimes we can’t help but run into each other, I ignore you when I see you unless eye contact is made, then I wave or occasionally talk, but I try and let you choose how you want to do it, I try not to force myself on you, I don’t like causing you pain.

Know that you will always be one of my closest friends, my big brother, if you ever need something I will be there, if you ever get to the point you want to pick up the friendship and leave the rest of the baggage in the past, I am here. I will always be here, our relationship is probably my one regret, everything else I can accept, I made the choices that have led me here, but losing you was not done intentionally. I love you and I miss you.

H

What is one thing you are excited about?

I am both excited and terrified that next year I will be homeschooling my youngest. He has the ability to really thrive, but he is also the most stubborn child I have ever dealt with and if he decides that he is done, that is it, there is no pushing, cajoling, bribing or punishing to get him to do what he has decided against. It is going to make for an interesting time...