depression

I had completely forgotten how wonderfully debilitating depression can be.  It has been a long time since I have been depressed for more than just a few hours or a day here and there.  This is going on three days, straight, and really if I want to be honest it has been months since I have been happy for more than just a moment here or there, it is just getting worse I guess.  I wish I knew how to get out of it.  But really i just do not see that has an option.  I lived this way for years and I am not looking to go back to it... but it is like something that I cannot fix, not yet at least, but hopefully in a few months, things will be better, then I will no longer be this way, at least that is what I am hoping.  it is hard on me and on the boys, especially on the boys,  I am a grump and just want to be left alone and that is not possible.  or I want to be included and that is not gonna happen either, guess it is time to suck it up and grow up, I just am not sure I will be able to do that...

time

Why do you feel guilty for not inviting me, you shouldn't, we are not friends, we have not been friends for 15 years.  Sometimes I regret that, but mostly not, life is too short for regrets, and besides, it is not my doing, the no friends thing, I went through something that most adults do not deal with well, why is it that you think a child should have been able to, I did the best I could, and for part of the time I needed to be away from it all, so I found an escape, I am sorry you dis not approve of the escape I chose, and I do not blame you, I was not the best of friends back then, But I would appreciate it if you would stop judging the person I am now by the child I was then, if you do not want to get to know me again then don't.  But do not think that you do.  I know who my friends are, I know those that stood by me, those that helped me even when I did not want the help, and while I am sorry that you are not one of those, that is not by my choosing but yours, so please figure out how to deal with that yourself, and raining your guilt all over me, I do not need it and I do not want it...

Jobs

So I have been job hunting, which were I live is not an easy thing to do.  Unless you are exmilitary with training experience or a techie, there are no jobs around here.  So I have started looking outside of my community, to places where I will have to drive, unless i manage to find a job somewhere that my husband can transfer his job to.  It sucks, there are no jobs anywhere really...

Anyways, just thought I would share, if anyone know of a job in AZ, or around any of the areostat sites that involves a history degree but not teaching let me know, I would sure be interested in checking it out...