This is my travel year, we do not have a lot of money, but that is ok, we do not need a lot of money. We were intending to take one huge trip to the east coast this year, lots of stops along the way, it would have been awesome, but things change, so instead we are taking a lot of mini trips. First a few weeks ago we spent a weekend in Phx, it was great, we went to the zoo and the aquarium we went and played and we had a blast. Our next trip is to San Diego, we are going to go to Seaworld and Legoland, the ocean, possibly the zoo, definately the maritime museum and the USS Midway, so lots to do, that is at the end of this month, and I cannot wait, I hate being stuck at home, and with this we are so not going to be stuck at home. *cheers*
Anyways, I guess i am out, gonna keep watching the tat show, its a competition, and it is awesome, cool show!!!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Hellos
Wow, so I had to go to a funeral today, I try really hard to only go to 1 or 2 funerals a year. I dislike them, who doesn't. I guess I have a hard time with them not because they bother me so much as the large group of people there bothers me. Also I tend to have a bit of a morbid sense of humor which many do not appreciate during such a service.
Anyways, the funeral went today was for a lady I had met maybe once or twice, breaking my rule of only going to funerals for people I really, REALLY love. However this lady has a son and husband and grandson who I am quite well acquainted with, her grandson is in my CubScout den, and her son and husband lead another den in my pack, there was a pack wide email sent out last night asking if possible to attend the funeral, so I did, her grandson is not blood related, he is sort off the outcast of the family because of this. Her son, while a good man, treats this boy different from the children that are actually his, many men do this, and I find it terribly sad, however, from what I saw of this woman she always treated him just like the rest of the grandkids, that really made me respect her, needless to say, I went for him more than anyone else, I was curious how the rest of the family would deal with it, and I am glad to say that they all treated him well, treated him as he should be treated. It was nice to see.
Also it was weird, I figured that I would see a few people for the pack that I knew, and that the rest of the people would be strangers, turns out that this woman was the grandmother to a friends daughter in law, and a neighbors good friend, also the only other people from the pack that showed up were the CubMaster and his wife, so they were glad I was there so that we showed more of a supportive front than they had thought we would do. It was actually a bit sad that no one else from the pack came, makes me sad that we are not as close as I thought we were. It is what it is though, and it was short notice, did not know about it until yesterday, so I guess that some people just were not able to get off work.
Alrighty, I guess that is all for today, just found stuff interesting and needed some place to order my thoughts...
Anyways, the funeral went today was for a lady I had met maybe once or twice, breaking my rule of only going to funerals for people I really, REALLY love. However this lady has a son and husband and grandson who I am quite well acquainted with, her grandson is in my CubScout den, and her son and husband lead another den in my pack, there was a pack wide email sent out last night asking if possible to attend the funeral, so I did, her grandson is not blood related, he is sort off the outcast of the family because of this. Her son, while a good man, treats this boy different from the children that are actually his, many men do this, and I find it terribly sad, however, from what I saw of this woman she always treated him just like the rest of the grandkids, that really made me respect her, needless to say, I went for him more than anyone else, I was curious how the rest of the family would deal with it, and I am glad to say that they all treated him well, treated him as he should be treated. It was nice to see.
Also it was weird, I figured that I would see a few people for the pack that I knew, and that the rest of the people would be strangers, turns out that this woman was the grandmother to a friends daughter in law, and a neighbors good friend, also the only other people from the pack that showed up were the CubMaster and his wife, so they were glad I was there so that we showed more of a supportive front than they had thought we would do. It was actually a bit sad that no one else from the pack came, makes me sad that we are not as close as I thought we were. It is what it is though, and it was short notice, did not know about it until yesterday, so I guess that some people just were not able to get off work.
Alrighty, I guess that is all for today, just found stuff interesting and needed some place to order my thoughts...
Friday, February 3, 2012
Hello
So it has been a while, I have updated some of my other blogs but not here. So lets see what is going on. I have started going to the gym on a daily basis, well I was going on a daily basis until I got sick, then I only made it a few times a week, and then I did not make it at all this week, but I have not been feeling well for weeks, I keep pushing and pushing and realized that I was not giving myself time to get better, so I kept getting sick again. So with that new found wisdom I decided to take this week off, next week starting Wednesday, I will start going everyday again. I want to lose weight, and I want to lose weight in a healthy way, that way it will stay gone, so I am trying to teach myself new habits, first being, daily gym time, next being better eating habits, I do not eat a lot of junk, it is just that I do not eat how I should, nor do I eat enough, I guess my body is in starvation mode most of the time, so losing weight is difficult.
Lets see, we are planning a really awesome vacation come September/October. We were hoping for May, but other stuff came up, and Fall is a good time to travel too. We are going to visit Michael's Grandmother, I have never met her, nor as she met her great grandsons, so this is an important trip. We are also going to go see his sister, she has been in Germany for a few years, so we have not seen her or her son in years. We also have never met our brother in law, her husband, so it ought to be an interesting trip when it come to meeting new people, and while we know that family is important, I really am looking forward more to the rest of the trip. We are going to take our time getting there with time spent in San Antonio and New Orleans, and then we are going to take our time getting home spending time in Washington DC and St. Louis among others...
I am starting to homeschool my son next week, but that has a blog all for it. Cubscouts is interesting as ever, but nothing major going on, the Blue and Gold is coming up, that is a big deal, it is going to be in Schefflands Hall this year which is just awesome, it is a great building. Other than that, nothing going on. I guess that means I am done for now, I know I always say it, but I will try to update more often, all of my blogs, not just one... Laters all
Lets see, we are planning a really awesome vacation come September/October. We were hoping for May, but other stuff came up, and Fall is a good time to travel too. We are going to visit Michael's Grandmother, I have never met her, nor as she met her great grandsons, so this is an important trip. We are also going to go see his sister, she has been in Germany for a few years, so we have not seen her or her son in years. We also have never met our brother in law, her husband, so it ought to be an interesting trip when it come to meeting new people, and while we know that family is important, I really am looking forward more to the rest of the trip. We are going to take our time getting there with time spent in San Antonio and New Orleans, and then we are going to take our time getting home spending time in Washington DC and St. Louis among others...
I am starting to homeschool my son next week, but that has a blog all for it. Cubscouts is interesting as ever, but nothing major going on, the Blue and Gold is coming up, that is a big deal, it is going to be in Schefflands Hall this year which is just awesome, it is a great building. Other than that, nothing going on. I guess that means I am done for now, I know I always say it, but I will try to update more often, all of my blogs, not just one... Laters all
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
It has been awhile...
Hey guys, I know I have not been on for a bit, *shrugs* But you all know how it is, Life it can be complicated and good, or complicated and not so good.
Lately it has been a strange mixture of the two, as some of you may or may not know, I sometimes have to fight off depression, it is one of the burdens I carry, to make matters worse, it is more of the manic type the the nice easy depression. I have wonderful mood swings, I know this, my family knows this and we work with it. Lately no matter how much we work with it, nothing seems to be helping. I am not happy, I am stressed and depressed, I am lost and I am questioning.
There is so much worth living for, I know, and there is no reason for me to be this way, and yet, I am and have been for many a year. And no, just so none of you get any strange Ideas, I am not suicidal. Even if I were it is not an option, I believe that suicide is for selfish people, people who think only about themselves and not about others. I am so not that person, I think if I was my life would be easier, I would not give so much of myself to others...
Have you ever wanted something so badly that it hurts, knew that you are not at the place in your life that you should be. Hell I even know where I should be, I know what I should be doing, at least in part, and yet I have no idea how to get from here to there.
Have you ever stood somewhere and had such a sense of rightness that you knew this is where you belong, and then had to leave it, had to turn around and walk away, because no matter how right it is, there is just no way for you to be there. It is hard, especially when you have to return to that place where you are, where you feel so out of your depth, so lost and confused.
I feel like I am wasting my life, that there is something I need to be doing and yet I cannot be doing it. I have responsibilities, things and people I cannot just up and leave. But damn, no matter how much I love them and no matter how much they are a part of me, there are days that I wish i could walk away, days that I know there is somewhere else I need to be somewhere else that needs me and needs me now. the only issue is that I do not know how to bridge these things, and even if I did I do not know where the other need is, where it will lead.
You do not, can not just wander away with others, how can I do that to my children, they are such a part of me, yet, I cannot take them with me, how do I lead them away only to find that I led them wrong. It is all so confusing.
One main problem is that I go places and I follow my senses, I am not a stable person, if I want to go do something and I have the ability to do it, then I see no reason why I should not. I am good at choosing what to do and then do it. It is part of me, part of a major part of me. It is one of the things that makes me who I am, and yet lately I have been unable to do that, I cannot go places and do things spur of the moment because it is not just me. I think losing that ability is killing something in me, something that i cannot stand to lose.
I don't know, there is so much I love about me. I honestly like who I am, though I do not like how I look, but that is something I am working on. I think it is time to get away for awhile, to go and meditate, to take some of me back for myself. Now I just have to find the ability to do that...
Thank you, for listening, it is always good to have someone to talk to, someone who helps me think things through, even if more often than not that someone is just myself...
Lately it has been a strange mixture of the two, as some of you may or may not know, I sometimes have to fight off depression, it is one of the burdens I carry, to make matters worse, it is more of the manic type the the nice easy depression. I have wonderful mood swings, I know this, my family knows this and we work with it. Lately no matter how much we work with it, nothing seems to be helping. I am not happy, I am stressed and depressed, I am lost and I am questioning.
There is so much worth living for, I know, and there is no reason for me to be this way, and yet, I am and have been for many a year. And no, just so none of you get any strange Ideas, I am not suicidal. Even if I were it is not an option, I believe that suicide is for selfish people, people who think only about themselves and not about others. I am so not that person, I think if I was my life would be easier, I would not give so much of myself to others...
Have you ever wanted something so badly that it hurts, knew that you are not at the place in your life that you should be. Hell I even know where I should be, I know what I should be doing, at least in part, and yet I have no idea how to get from here to there.
Have you ever stood somewhere and had such a sense of rightness that you knew this is where you belong, and then had to leave it, had to turn around and walk away, because no matter how right it is, there is just no way for you to be there. It is hard, especially when you have to return to that place where you are, where you feel so out of your depth, so lost and confused.
I feel like I am wasting my life, that there is something I need to be doing and yet I cannot be doing it. I have responsibilities, things and people I cannot just up and leave. But damn, no matter how much I love them and no matter how much they are a part of me, there are days that I wish i could walk away, days that I know there is somewhere else I need to be somewhere else that needs me and needs me now. the only issue is that I do not know how to bridge these things, and even if I did I do not know where the other need is, where it will lead.
You do not, can not just wander away with others, how can I do that to my children, they are such a part of me, yet, I cannot take them with me, how do I lead them away only to find that I led them wrong. It is all so confusing.
One main problem is that I go places and I follow my senses, I am not a stable person, if I want to go do something and I have the ability to do it, then I see no reason why I should not. I am good at choosing what to do and then do it. It is part of me, part of a major part of me. It is one of the things that makes me who I am, and yet lately I have been unable to do that, I cannot go places and do things spur of the moment because it is not just me. I think losing that ability is killing something in me, something that i cannot stand to lose.
I don't know, there is so much I love about me. I honestly like who I am, though I do not like how I look, but that is something I am working on. I think it is time to get away for awhile, to go and meditate, to take some of me back for myself. Now I just have to find the ability to do that...
Thank you, for listening, it is always good to have someone to talk to, someone who helps me think things through, even if more often than not that someone is just myself...
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
depression
I had completely forgotten how wonderfully debilitating depression can be. It has been a long time since I have been depressed for more than just a few hours or a day here and there. This is going on three days, straight, and really if I want to be honest it has been months since I have been happy for more than just a moment here or there, it is just getting worse I guess. I wish I knew how to get out of it. But really i just do not see that has an option. I lived this way for years and I am not looking to go back to it... but it is like something that I cannot fix, not yet at least, but hopefully in a few months, things will be better, then I will no longer be this way, at least that is what I am hoping. it is hard on me and on the boys, especially on the boys, I am a grump and just want to be left alone and that is not possible. or I want to be included and that is not gonna happen either, guess it is time to suck it up and grow up, I just am not sure I will be able to do that...
Monday, July 18, 2011
time
Why do you feel guilty for not inviting me, you shouldn't, we are not friends, we have not been friends for 15 years. Sometimes I regret that, but mostly not, life is too short for regrets, and besides, it is not my doing, the no friends thing, I went through something that most adults do not deal with well, why is it that you think a child should have been able to, I did the best I could, and for part of the time I needed to be away from it all, so I found an escape, I am sorry you dis not approve of the escape I chose, and I do not blame you, I was not the best of friends back then, But I would appreciate it if you would stop judging the person I am now by the child I was then, if you do not want to get to know me again then don't. But do not think that you do. I know who my friends are, I know those that stood by me, those that helped me even when I did not want the help, and while I am sorry that you are not one of those, that is not by my choosing but yours, so please figure out how to deal with that yourself, and raining your guilt all over me, I do not need it and I do not want it...
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Jobs
So I have been job hunting, which were I live is not an easy thing to do. Unless you are exmilitary with training experience or a techie, there are no jobs around here. So I have started looking outside of my community, to places where I will have to drive, unless i manage to find a job somewhere that my husband can transfer his job to. It sucks, there are no jobs anywhere really...
Anyways, just thought I would share, if anyone know of a job in AZ, or around any of the areostat sites that involves a history degree but not teaching let me know, I would sure be interested in checking it out...
Anyways, just thought I would share, if anyone know of a job in AZ, or around any of the areostat sites that involves a history degree but not teaching let me know, I would sure be interested in checking it out...
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